Having Tough Financial Conversations

Money. We use it every day. We think about it every day. So why is it so tricky to talk about? Having a tough financial conversation is not necessarily easy, but it’s certainly important. Whether you’re ducking out of an expensive vacation with friends, trying to support a struggling parent, or planning your future with a spouse, the topic of money is inevitably going to come up. Here’s some guidance for how to have that conversation.

Talk to Friends…

It’s no fun when you can’t afford what everyone else is doing, but at the same time, it’s an act of care and love for yourself to be financially responsible and live within your means. Get comfortable with saying “no”. Advocate for yourself and your needs, and be firm, honest and kind when explaining why a group dinner or gift exchange won’t work for your budget. Feel free to suggest cheaper alternatives, but be careful not to make everyone else feel guilty if you have to miss out on something. Remember: everyone has different financial circumstances and priorities at different times in their life. If you do feel financial FOMO while everyone else is off skiing in Aspen, treat yourself to a little something special that you can afford, like a night in with movies and hot cocoa.

Talk to Family…

Talking about finances as a family is fairly straightforward when the kids are under 18. But once the kids are grown and out of the house, financial conversations get a little trickier. Adult children see themselves as independent, while their parents may still want to offer advice. On the other hand, as adult children develop their own financial knowledge, they may find themselves wanting to offer help to parents. In both cases, approach the conversation from a place of kindness and with the desire to understand more. Avoid criticizing the other person. Instead, talk about “what if?” scenarios and ask lots of questions: about budgeting, upcoming expenses, short- and long-term planning, and so on. If the subject involves retirement, serious debt or bankruptcy, bring in a professional third party to help.

Talk to a Spouse…

When building a life with a serious romantic partner, aim to make financial conversations a regular part of your routine. Set aside time each month to look at your household’s recent spending and develop a budget for the future. Chat about short- and long-term goals. In addition, take the opportunity to chat about how each spouse’s family handled money when you were growing up. Discuss what you each liked and didn’t like about how things went when you were younger, and what you want to do differently in your relationship. Finally, always try to remember that you and your spouse are on the same team: so focus the conversation about how the two of you can jointly improve money management practices, rather than lobbing criticism at the other person.

Talk to a Boss…

Asking for a raise or inquiring about a salary feels awkward, but there’s no way around it. If you’re coming in to a job interview, do your research beforehand on what people in similar roles are making. Even if you feel your experience isn’t necessarily up-to-scratch, be sure to ask for what you’re worth. This research is also useful when asking for a raise. The more informed you are about the market, the better you’ll be able to confidently have the money conversation. In addition, consider speaking with coworkers about their salary. Again, it may feel like an awkward conversation, but research suggests that more transparency around pay can reduce the wage gap for women and minorities.

Talk to a Stranger…

Ok: so there’s no need to talk to a random stranger about your personal financial situation! But it can be helpful to remember that there are professionals ready to speak about money matters; so if you’ve got questions, there’s absolutely no shame in asking for help. HUECU members, for example, have free access to financial counseling services from GreenPath Financial Wellness. The experts who work for GreenPath and similar community services are ready to listen to your financial struggles and help you put together a plan to ensure you are on track and prepared for a healthy financial future.